by Tom H. Brooks 3
“Love is the Iron Fist in the Velvet Glove…”
“in a van DOWN BY THE RIVER…!”
“I`ve got friends in low places…”
“I`m not gonna lie to you, honey…”
then, just leave
“Beverly Hills, Century City
everything`s so nice and pretty
All the people look the same
don`t they know they`re so damn lame!!”
“INSANE IN THE MEMBRANE”
How long will I fight this battle to stave off
the evil spectre of aging? You know, sagging
man-titties, withered leathery flesh, like a dried-up
old anchovy that has been sitting in the sun for too long…?
It will happen sooner or later….
I just read in the paper about a guy who got stabbed in the
top of the fucking skull with a huge bowie knife and fucking
LIVED! He recovered perfectly, healthy and as sane as one
can be after being STABBED IN THE GODDAMNED HEAD.
He must have had no brains to begin with; that is the only
explanation I can come up with…
“This town is like a big pussy just waiting to get fucked…”
Tony Montana “Scarface”
“Gimme a bottle of anything and a glazed donut….
Diamond Dave (David Lee Roth)
I think it`s so funny the way the Japanese travel in HUGE groups
of like 45 people and they are all armed with cameras, taking
pictures of each other in front on Tommy Hilfiger stores or the Gap.
I just don`t get it.
fluffy white bunnies in a field of daisies
“you all gonna make me lose my mind
lose my mind
up in here, up in here…..
“Power worship blurs political judgement because it leads, almost unavoidably, to the belief
that present trends will continue. Whoever is winning at the moment will always seem to be
A guy I know was delivering food to this seedy hotel in a certain colorful neighborhood. The door
was ajar so he pushed it open and saw a guy, butt-nekkid, disgusting, squatting in the corner
on the floor taking a dump while hitting the rock pipe. It`s savage acts like this that really ruin
one`s faith in humanity. I mean really, man! Go ahead, hit the pipe but fuck…don`t you have
a bathroom? Isn`t that what they`re for?!
“DAMN, THOSE DIRTY APES!”
picture Ozzy Osbourne on an exercise bike wearing a black t-shirt that says HIPPIE KILLER.
I, for one, could not stop laughing.
“A homicidal robot….so like us.”
Living at Yucca Estates with David Bateman; sometimes you love him, sometimes you can`t
stand him but perhaps he is the biggest dummy I have ever met; he won`t listen to anything
but Slayer or Slipknot and he subsists on chili dogs from 7-11 and cocaine. This house is like
the Odd Couple or Dumb and Dumber. However, it is highly amusing if nothing else….
This madness has been waiting for me all along….
Stay the fuck out of my space! I need sanctuary, goddamnit!
Lately, my hound-dog nose has detected a distinct methane gas smell at the Grove. Perhaps because
this whole fucking mall was built adjacent to the Tar Pits and it is just waiting to sink back down into the muck
with the dinosaur bones…
air pockets, lava vents, hidden oil, tunnels to the core of the earth?
Decorations, Christmas Carols with people dressed like they just walked right out of a Charles Dickens novel;
oh yes, the season has come IN FORCE to this mall, this church of consumption….It`s all so cute
it almost makes me want to get into a holiday mood; you know, go out singing Xmas carols alone in a
leopard skin Speedo or maybe replace the baby Jesus in a manger scene with a Christmas ham…
The Grove is like a time warp to Middle America in a fantasy small town in 1938…
Just saw a cute little Mexican lady ambling across the street wearing a shirt that says, “I HATE THE INTERNET”
Crickets in November? A very late indian summer…indeed….
a whopping 12,000 people are homeless and living on the streets of Downtown LA….!
“I turned my palms upward in the sunlight. In an instant, they felt warm, as though the light were seeping
into the skin, soaking into the very lines of my fingerprints. The light ruled over everything out here. Bathed
in light, each object glowed with the brilliant color of summer. Even intangibles such as time and memory
shared in the goodness of the summer light.”
“Wish I was ocean size
no one moves you, man, no one tries…”
Early morning….I`m not sure but I`d swear the bus was just flying down bumpy Santa Monica Boulevard
at 65mph, at least, at 4:20am…..TURBO BUS….
Santa Monica streets at dawn…..a warm Santa Ana Wind, a 3/4 moon setting over the sea, I sit on a bench
in the park and can see the clarity of twinkling pre-dawn lights all the way to Catalina and Palos Verdes…
The offshore winds always make the planes from LAX change course to land from over the ocean, heading east…
I watched those lights dwindle in the brighter light of dawn, a spectacular dawn of a thousand vibrant colors…
words cannot describe the beauty which we so often ignore and take for granted every day. Those endless
colors of that morning will be burned in my mind forever…bathed in that morning light watching that yellow moon set in the sea…
Even that beautiful, brownish-green smog line on the horizon is lovely…
Today`s theme is morning at the beach and afternoon downtown…
Later; it`s weird swimming on the Standard Hotel rooftop….standing there in swim trunks looking down
at everyone with real jobs scurrying around below in business suits.
Dirty, graffitied old steps in an abandoned lot in Filipinotown …this is where I choose to crack an ice cold Colt 45 40oz and
stare at the skyscrapers of downtown.
Echo Park, place of my birth…..
There are so many tunnels in LA that go under the streets but they have been closed off because too many scumbags
take shits in there and/or shoot junk….
Delicious Mexican food hot spot on Sunset….ALEGRIA….It is Oaxaca style food…amazing mole sauce on cheese enchiladas…
If it were closer, I would come here every day…..
Chief Bratton: There`s a new sheriff in town….
“Pot will get you through times of no money
better than money will get you through times of no pot…”
Freewheelin` Franklin “The Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers”
Grand Theft Auto; Vice City….what a great fucking video game….remember Space Invaders?
I love empty Sunday streets…the only time you will see this in LA. I could just walk right across Fairfax without
a car in sight. Last night, I went to a fashion boutique opening with 20 sexy chicas. This morning I have a wicked
champagne hangover; eyes like air pressure balloons bulging out of my swollen and misshapen red face. Now
I`m going to work where there will be more hot chicks. My life is hell.
Being the crazy guy is always somewhat liberating. You can yell, break things or run and everybody is afraid to say anything…
“Everybody`s so full of shit….”
“Ted, Just Admit It…”
What I`ve always said, “plenty of time to sleep when you`re dead…”
was just used in the new James Bond movie. Someone is listening to my lines, yo……
2am Monday morning….Hollywood Night streets, Cosmo Street mist, with a sexy lady from King King at Whitley,
charged from loud afro-cuban music, lust in the shadows…
A photo for the ages….Downtown LA twilight, windy autumn eve; a filthy Charles Manson-looking mofo in tattered rags
with dirty feet, sitting and calmly talking to a clean cut man in a suit and tie with LA City Hall, the original one,
standing tall in the background framed against a purple sky….
Drinking with a recurring character from my Chinatown travels, Harry, at Hop Louie`s….
“Under the harsh summer light, everything was dried out and exhausted….”
I walk out of work and 4 hot Asian chicks want to take a picture with me. Of course, I oblige and take
a photo with these sexy little minxes. Again, my life is hell.
A huge tornado-like windstorm blows through LA at 4am, shredding the early morning to bits….
They`re still filming that sure-to-be-stupid movie, “Hollywood Homicide” all around the Hollywood and Vine
vicinity, blocking off roads and such. Today there was some kind of a car chase scene right in front
of our building on Yucca. STRAIGHT TO VIDEO, BITCHES!!
My building is filled with characters, Blake, Dave, Louie, Tanya, Bateman, and so many others….
this neighborhood is CLASSIC…
3:08am, my Jewish-American princess and I…
two nights before Thanksgiving, music reverberates through our heads and bodies as she and I groove
and mack in mad embraces in that car beneath the streetlight on Whitley–boundless lust under a cold
autumn moon as the wind whips around the car in a fury….Hollywood electricity, danger, excitement,
passion and all that which cannot be defined. We live, always in a moment, each moment carved in eternity…
The Grove, nighttime Christmas tree lighting with fireworks and fake snow falling softly from the rooftops…
Just gave my number to three hot girls at once and stood there watching them typing it into their cute little
cell phones. What is going on? It must be mating season. Bambi, Kat, and Carmen….HA! Think they`re strippers?
No problem. My cup runneth over….
“Peace sells, but who`s buying?”
I must be on some kind of a roll with the ladies….I don`t understand but when it rains it pours, baby….
there doesn`t seem to be a woman in town right now who wouldn`t RUN across a busy, traffic-choked
street to talk to me and give me her number. I am a very lucky man…
Greco`s Pizza at Cahuenga and Hollywood…pretty good pizza (when you`re drunk, anyway) but what a fucking
DUMP. Scumbags lurking, drug deals going down, the whole bit, baby. Nothing like a good slab of pie
when you need a late night snack after pounding drinks. The guy next to me right now just face planted
on his half-eaten slice of pepperoni. He probably just shot up some China White….
AND THERE`S MORE…
“Shimmy shimmy ya
gimme the mike
so I can take it away…”
Old Dirty Bastard
“Fresh Fruit for Rotting Vegetables”
Dead Kennedys DK
X “Los Angeles” is a great fucking album that I just rediscovered today…I`d kind of forgotten about it….
My sales at work today: $666.00 exactly. EVIL…..
“Give Me Convenience or Give Me Death”
You want to talk about convenience…well, I was just sitting around the house,
staring at the walls when the phone rang. I picked up and was greeted by giggling
female voices, slightly drunk perhaps. They told me to come over to the Sahara
hotel on Sunset. They were waiting for me in lingerie when I got there ONE MINUTE LATER.
About two minutes of small talk followed by them doing a strip tease for me and then
lying back on the bed, touching each other and kissing in very intriguing and sexy ways…
Let`s see, a hot ebony princess who says she`s from Cairo (she`s fucking lying, and I don`t care if she`s from Compton)
and a porcelain-colored Irish girl (she really is from Ireland, accent and all). They are
doing the whole thing together as they tell me ,”What are you waiting for? Take your
clothes off and get over here.” So I did. You do the math and guess what happened next.
It doesn`t really matter how we met, only HOW WELL we got to know each other…..
thank you Bambi and Kat…..where was the other one anyway?….3 would have been a record for the ages!
Now THAT was convenient!
“We gotta get off YUCCA”
from a movie with Vince Vaughn, name forgotten…
“This here, this is real hip-hop, this ain`t no R&B with some wack nigga taking the loot. This ain`t no fashion show, you
ain`t no MC, you ain`t no MC…raise your fist in the air and get ready for the Triumph….”
RZA WU-TANG Bitches!!
“There must be some kind of way outta here
said the joker to the thief
there`s too much confusion
I can`t get no relief…”
“All Along the Watchtower”
are mostly intrigued
by the drum…”
Hollywood Xmas Parade Chaos
There is a strange subculture (Reed)
living on Blake`s kitchen floor
with the roaches
would ya like some ham hocks, suh?
“Is my cock big enough?
Is my brain small enough?
to make me
Pull my strings
and I`ll go far….”
DK Jello Biafra
Like a moth to a flame
like bees to honey
like deer in the headlights
……….you know what I`m talking about……….
Living with Bateman
I can almost feel myself losing IQ points by the minute…
Amoeba Records 12/03/02
Keith Morris, Henry Rollins, Chuck Dukowski, legends of punk rock playing Black Flag songs, YEAH!!
followed later by an evening of dancing with beautiful women to afro-cuban music…
I guess I`m just a hands-on kind of guy…
RIP Layne Staley…
“…ain`t found a way to kill me yet,
eyes burn with stinging sweat
seems every path leads me to nowhere…”
Alice in Chains
rough night at Yucca
my hands smell like
piss and cigarettes
At the club with the Cuban music AGAIN, listening to a hot Asian babe talk about
her lesbian fantasies with a blonde hottie who`s married (and still into it). Now she`s
getting into the graphic details (cockteases) so I wonder what I`m supposed to do here….
Answer: just smile and nod and play it cool and be a big sweetheart…..
Later….nope, it didn`t work.
I should have thrown `em both in a burlap sack and kidnapped `em when I had the chance…
Talking to myself is where I do some of my best work…
Oh how I love this dancing Brazilian girl, she will take me home with her and I will go….
“On the day we can finally trust each other, there will be peace on earth.”
^yeah, this should happen any day now….
L. Ron Hubbard SCIENTOLOGISTS HA!!! How could I trust someone who is waiting for the spaceships to COME BACK?!?
You people are nuts!! That`s right, I`M talking to YOU, Tom Cruise, ya crazy bastard…
“The Wind-Up bird went on crying, but no one else could hear its call.”
standing on my Hollywood rooftop at sunset. Capitol records shines in the setting sun and I can hear a band
doing a soundcheck at the Palace. Polston should be up in a while and we will begin drinking the first of many beers…
“Do I look like a blonde with big tits and an ass that tastes like French Vanilla ice cream?”
“the eagle has landed”
I am gonna start a t-shirt company that makes cute little sexy shirts for girls; here are some examples:
oh yes, and some panties….the caption will be on the front….
EAT OUT MORE OFTEN
would ya like some ham hocks, suh?
more cornbread, suh?
fried chicken? collard greens? black eyed peas?
would ya like a shoeshine, suh?
The eagle has landed
Curtis is on the case
one hand washes the other
Thunder run in Hollywood…hit every bar you can before last call….
“what?!! do you want me to put your kids through college?!”
Blunts and 40s
gangsta G, Lodi Dodi, she like ta party, chocolate blunt bliss and opium incense….
can I get ya some medicine, suh?
can I do yo laundry, suh?
wash ya car for ya?
I`m an excellent driver suh..
that`s mighty kind of ya, suh…
this story, like all stories, is really going nowhere, just like our lives…..
just an endless procession of drones living the routine, telling the same
stories over and over again, the pointless cycle of life and death
on and on
just some sparks passing through an endless void……