STREET JOURNAL 33 AND 34

Standard

By Tom H. Brooks 3

CALM DOWN EVERYBODY; IT`S JUST ME AGAIN…………………….…………………………………………………..

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“And I think to myself
what a wonderful world…”
Louis Armstrong
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“Easy like Sunday morning…”
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East 4th Street between Avenue C and Avenue D is an amazing neighborhood…(old buildings…)
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One thing I can tell you about NYC….I never tire of walking or riding around and looking at it…
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“I`m the man on the mountain…”
Rolling Stones  “Loving Cup”
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Here`s a sight for ya….A RAT feeding with the pigeons in broad daylight…
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Another quote from “Pep” at McSorley`s…(regarding money…)
“Don`t piss it away, squirrel it away…”
I should listen to him but somehow, I always seem to piss it away….LITERALLY….
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Today`s modern age…cellphone camera artists everywhere….
FLASH FORWARD….in mid 2005, I become the best one of them….
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Top of 6th Ave (F Train) at Central Park…
my favorite waterfall and pond…I don`t know what this area is called…
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I M
NY
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Coney Island High
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“A man has four things that don`t work on the sea;
anchor, rudder, oars, and a fear of drowning….”
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“I`m just trying to do my jigsaw puzzle
before it rains anymore…”
The Rolling Stones
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CLASSIC COFFEE SHOP  (not the most creative of names), however, it is the best spot ever.
It is on Hester Street at Orchard.  Never forget it with its cast of characters…
Carmine–born and bred on the LES(owner)
Nancy–Puerto Rico
Little Johnny–Brooklyn
Tom–Los Angeles
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The roosters of Ludlow at Canal…..(of course, it`s Chinatown)
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Why are you asking when you already knew?
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“I have been too deeply conscious of the mutability and evanescence of temporal things, to give
any continuous effort to anything–to be consistent in anything.  My life has been whim–impulse–
passion–a longing for solitude–a scorn of all things present, in an earnest desire for the future.”
Edgar Allan Poe (Letters)
Personally, I am enjoying the present…
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F Train to Coney Island….escape from New York, indeed…..
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But not really…
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 Avenue I in Brooklyn; the BIGGEST graveyard I`ve ever seen in my life…a veritable sea of the dead…
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Avenue X….cool name, right?
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At long last, I walk barefoot on Brooklyn sands and through Atlantic Ocean waters…not bad at all….
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It`s no paradise though and the ghetto appears to be just down the street….the Projects….
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Brighton Beach, at first look, reminded me of Long Beach, but only at first look.  I`ll bet it`s about
30 degrees warmer there too.
Brighton Beach also seems to have a big Russian and Ukrainian community….
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“I drew a line upon the sand at ebb tide,
and returned to the shoreline later
to find naught upon the sand but my ignorance.”
Kahlil Gibran
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“Under the Boardwalk
down by the sea
on a blanket with my baby
that`s where I`ll be…”
__________
Coney Island
glowing white mist
the sun just hangs there
like a silver disk in the sky
like a jewel glittering
through a diaphonous veil
The gulls cry
there is a murmur of Russian languages
the smell of sea salt air
and death festering
in shadows under the boardwalk
where weeds sprout up
through gravel rocks and broken glass
and hope lies twisted
like rust and wrecked metal…
it doesn`t look that romantic
as the song might have you believe
The water shimmers
and there is a blue sky
somewhere beyond the glowing
white sky that covers all
and somewhere out there
lie the endless mysteries of life
Footsteps creaking on wooden planks
autumn leaves
distant construction yelling
metallic
empty and closed carnival rides
like giant dinosaur skeletons
their bones silhouetted
against that sad sky
Desolate avenues
newspapers blow down
quiet streets
The world is always changing
in so many ways
and I change with it….
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Tacos El Rey…Coney Island Avenue
all Mexicans, so it WILL be good…
they let the gringo pick the music
so I chose Vincente Fernandez, Los Tigres del Norte, Lupillo Rivera and Santana…
There were no complaints…
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Coney Island; “SHOOT THE FREAK”  live human target with paintball gun….HA!
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Ahhhhh, I dipped my feet in the Atlantic, wrote an immortal poem, and walked by the sea with lovely Vietnamese Geraldine….
yes, today was a productive day….
The sun set was spectacular, even over the land.  A big arc of a V in the sky with the sun glowing in the middle like a giant
luminescent martini olive….
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So, JB and I were at a place in Chelsea, or somewhere around there, who gives a crap? It`s called Bungalow 8.  It is where the
rich and beautiful go to make appearances and linger around, looking cool with drinks in their hands.  We`ve spotted many models,
people in the fashion industry and actors (Owen Wilson and George Clooney, to name a couple).  For me, it is a love/hate
relationship…I like it and yet I don`t.  Which is it?  Again, it doesn`t really matter.  Now JB knows what an asshole I can be when
it comes to disappearing with some chick and I always feel bad about it later, but sometimes, I just can`t help it.  Like this night,
for example.  We were having a fine time, drinking whiskey and leering at the little stinkies that were all around for our viewing
pleasure.  He was off talking to someone he knew and I found myself alone for a moment.  I look across the room and there is
this SEXY little Asian minx with lusty bedroom eyes giving my a withering look and a come-hither hand gesture.  She looked Korean
but I never asked.  I walked over to her, hypnotized, like a moth to a flame.  There was no preamble; she simply said,”You`re coming
with me.”  I, never one to deny myself the finer sensual pleasures, replied, “uhhh, okay.”  And that was it.  No charming witty comments,
no career talk, no `where do you live?` or `are you married?`  Just, “Let`s go.”  Charming and easy as stealing candy from a helpless
baby, her or me being the baby, no matter.  I am a whore and I am not ashamed to say it.  We walked outside and caught a cab.
I thought of JB and what a dick I am for a minute but I knew he`d be okay.  We`ve known each other for like 20 years.  The thought
quickly left my mind when she and I started macking on each other in the back of the cab.  I still didn`t even know her name.  She took me
to the Grammercy Park Hotel, a luxury hotel, incidentally.  She got us a suite and we went upstairs.  Now that I could see her outside
of the club in a better light, I saw that she was indeed, a fine specimen of female sexuality and lust.  She was maybe 28 to 32 years
old and had smooth, silky skin and a lovely figure.  And so, I think you know what happened next, without delay.  A passionate night
of sexual gymnastics, the likes of which I am all too familiar with after all these years, but she was a STANDOUT.  Kinky, active, limber,
really quite flexible indeed, and obviously, NOT shy.  Her name was Genevieve or Jeanine, I forget now, and she was an attorney, here
in NYC.  Well, she fucking took me to COURT.  It was excellent.  There was whiskey and beer and cocaine and raw, unfettered, nasty,
SEX.  I woke up the next morning with her dressed and ready to roll.  She gave me a kiss and said to make sure and check out by 11
so she didn`t get charged for another day.  Oh yeah, and don`t call her, she`ll call me.  “See ya, baby…” and she breezed outta there
like a butterfly on a summer breeze.  I sat there naked in the bed with my poor abused cock, laughing to myself and feeling dirty and
satisfied and happy and ALIVE.  There were two warm beers and a fat line of coke on the table, so I snorted the line drank the beers
and had a shower and checked out.  I walked out into the blinding sunlight.  I feel so used.  EXCELLENT.
(She actually did call again about 4 days later for an encore and she wanted some pot which I gladly brought over to her house.  We had
another romp and then I never saw her again.  Thanks for the good times you little minx….I couldn`t forget if I tried….)
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Freeman`s
Tim Hudock and I are assholes.  We don`t like making tea during service `cause it is so damn busy in that place.  So we smashed all
the teapots against the brick wall in the back room over the course of a week.  Occasionally, an empty champagne bottle also gets
smashed.  Why do we do it?  Hysteria, lunacy, existential angst?  Don`t ask, because I don`t know.  But somehow, I still think it`s funny.
(Sorry, JB, the truth comes out.  You`re too sharp not to have known anyway.  I`m sure you always wondered why your boots were
crunching on all that broken glass back there.  I think Taavo and William would have been a little madder than you would, though.  You always
knew what a crazy bastard I was and am.  Nothing`s changed, baby….except I`m in JAPAN!  Now I`m smashing Japanese teapots! Hai Dozo,
motherfuckers!!)
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Freeman`s, dancing to “Living Thing” by ELO in the kitchen with Marianne and Caroline and Aurora.  The restaurant is packed and we
are on the red wine and dancing.  What kind of workers are we?  The customers love this place.  Hell, JB turned away George Bush`s
daughter and said, “Don`t come back for 4 more years.”
Found Timbo sleeping on a shelf in the back room, ON A FUCKING SHELF, next to a GIANT box of toilet paper with his head nestled
on a roll of TP as a pillow.
Who`s taking care of the customers on the floor?!  Oh yeah….NATHAN>>>>>HA!!
WE ARE ALL CRAZY….
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I just bought a pack of Portuguese Marlboro Lights for 4 dollars off the back of a truck…..(usual NY price, 8 dollars)
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Stillwell Ave. and Surf Ave.
since 1916
The Original Nathan`s Famous Frankfurters
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Lucky Jacks on the LES is a cool spot, newer but nice atmosphere…
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I AM sensory overload, IN THE FLESH…
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“Seize the Day!”
CARPE DIEM!!
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Freeman`s….always with the famous ones, celebrities and media whores…..
Harvey Keitel, Paul Auster, Hugh Jackman, Paris Hilton…..
JB denying George Bush`s daughter has made a buzz on the internet….HA!!
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NYC street graffiti…
“STICKING TO THE SPEED LIMIT WON`T GET YOU ANYWHERE”
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The legends are real
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music is the soundtrack to our lives
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We have moved out of the realm of the ordinary and into
the realm of myth and legend….
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“It became legend very quickly and thus joined that body of lore
which nobody cares to upset, since after all, THE LITERAL TRUTH
HARDLY MATTERS.”
Luc Sante
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…on death between lovers….
“Stay for me there!  I will not fail to meet thee in that hollow vale…”
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If you can`t keep up, GET OUT THE WAY!!!
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WHEN IT COMES TO SLEEP, I`M A VIKING…
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“….till 6 in the mornin`…..”
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After 7 straight days of work, don`t expect me to be sober or nice…
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“Red wine for the people,
white wine for the servants,
and rose` for the pigs….”
A French saying
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Having a beer in Central Park on a cold, lonely, empty, misty night;
only I would be crazy enough to do this…
______________
The wet ground in Central Park after rain smells like death.  It reminds me of an
ancient graveyard, filled with the residue of rotting flesh.  Awful nasty tonight…
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I took an excellent photo of 3 Puerto Rican boys who wanted to be like black rappers
in Times Square.  Someday, it will be an anonymous masterpiece.  No one will know where it came from…
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Sad dreams in my eyes….
_____________
11/22/04  12:45am
Nobody believes in love anymore….
_____________
The shadow of death
flew over me last night
in my sorrow
Just to taunt me
with His
iron will and
hopeless inevitability….
______________
Fragile
tears
shatter
like
glass
on
cold
dark
asphalt
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“Everywhere I look, I see your eyes…”
the Rolling Stones “Angie”
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“Is this love baby,
or is this confusion?”
Jimi Hendrix
____________
“No sweeping exits
or offstage lines
could make me bitter
or treat you unkind…
Wild Horses…couldn`t drag me away…”
The Rolling Stones
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“Sometimes a Great Notion”
(Sometimes, I find these cryptic scribbles in my books and yet I have no idea who or what they
are about.  Even the words fail to stir up the memories to the point where I can really recall what the
hell was happening.  This is one of those times.  All these lovesick lines and whiny little love quotes
and yet I really have NO FUCKING IDEA who it could have possibly been about.  Possibly memories
from another time gone before.  I KNOW for a fact it wasn`t the two-night stand Korean girl.  So, even
after all my scribbling, things still escape my grasp.  Lost in the mists of time.  This is what excessive
partying, alcohol, and time will do to one`s memory…..lesson learned…….)
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“Through the Sun Door”   
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NYC Street Graffiti
 SWEATSHOP LABOR
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I pull unseen strings
I make things happen
from the shadows
My influence is revealed
with time
as the full moon
bursting from behind
the dark clouds
My talents are realized
as golden leaves
tumbling
on cool powerful wind
through a grove of night trees
Steam floats
eerily out of subway vents
I am one with the entity
that is New York City
I walk through the vast night
and deeper into it….
____________
My own subway car on the W train….a rare thing indeed….
(You see what I mean?  Where the hell was I going?!?  I didn`t even
remember until just now that they HAVE a fucking W train!)
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2005 is just a couple of months away, the Year of the Rooster (4080 on the Chinese calendar)….MY year(1969 was the Year of the Rooster also known as the Year of the COCK)
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“And you can
send me Dead Flowers every morning
and I won’t forget to put roses on your grave…”
Stones
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My laundromat on the LES, the edge of Chinatown….
10 screaming, chattering Chinese men playing Pai Gao….
____________
“Will you still love me tomorrow?”
____________
The problems I`m about to create
are already solved….
____________
Sven (“my neck is cold”), an ANCIENT, old drunken, white-haired Russian man at Holiday Cocktail Lounge
in the East Village, eyes me suspiciously as I write in this book.  He stares at me with his cold, dead, glassy
eyes…..let me tell ya, people….this place is NO HOLIDAY…..
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My bitter delirium is SO SWEET….
____________
Zen Sushi, East Village, best stoned sushi dinner EVER…
___________
Where else but NYC could you talk to at least 10 beautiful girls on the street,
eat the most delicious sushi ever, and buy 3 bootleg movie DVDs in Chinatown for
a total of 14 dollars that aren`t even out in the theaters yet?  ALL IN ONE DAY…..
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I know, I`m a CHARACTER….
__________
“woman on trip with photographer always gets exposed.”
Modern Chinese Wisdom
__________
Oh, so you think you`re better than me?!?
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The Mad Story of a True Man
The True Story of a Mad Man
which is it?
_________
“I am an honest man and if that is to be my undoing, then so be it…
but I WILL NOT GO QUIETLY…”
__________
Slavery has been given another name; EMPLOYEE
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I wouldn`t cross the street to piss on you if you were on fire.
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The crack of a 24oz Budweiser;
the sound of angels falling from heaven…
___________
THESE LIES TELL MORE TRUTHS
THAN THE FACTS EVER COULD.
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“cause I`m a million miles away
and at the same time,
I`m right here in your picture frame…”
Jimi Hendrix
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men who don`t watch step get shit on shoes
(a fortune cookie I want to create)
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“Art to Choke Hearts”
Henry Rollins
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ANGELS FALLING
my soon-to-be-written short story about a lovable Budweiser-drinking, beerdrunk character and his sudden demise under the wheels of a Bud Light truck…irony is everything….
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Great Jones Street    ….this street really exists in NYC
WHAT A NAME
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I`VE CEASED TO CARE ABOUT ANYTHING;
IT MAKES EVERYTHING SO MUCH EASIER.
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U DON`T KNOW ME
____________
remember….
THE ELEMENT OF SURPRISE IS WHAT MAKES LIFE WORTH LIVING…
____________
The way these black door guys at the NYC courthouse act, you`d think we were waiting to get into some hot new nightclub or some shit….
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AT LEAST I HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY…
____________
I get so sick of fighting to survive sometimes…
it is all so goddamned ridiculous…
I think I`d probably be happy on a trailer park stoop, drinking beer and reading a good book…
(only if the ocean was near by…)
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I can have fun anywhere….I take the party with me….
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So it is said, so it shall be done…
___________
I
ME
MY
NO REALLY, I WANNA TALK ABOUT ME…
___________
On the other hand, I`d rather hear about YOUR problems….please, tell me a story…
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What are you afraid of, THE TRUTH?!?
____________
I have now been to all five boroughs of NYC…by recklessly taking random trains just anywhere….
and then I RIDE my skateboard….you know it…Brooklyn, Manhattan, the Bronx, Queens, and Staten Island….
Staten Island Ferry 4:20pm after smoking a fat bowl of green….a moody sky at sunset, hues of purple, blue,
orange, gray….distant bridges, Lady Liberty standing there proud and majestic holding that beer up high in the
sky(torch? Oh, I thought it was a beer…).  Manhattan looms off the bow, minus the twin towers.  I stand on the
bow with a Foster`s Lager, smelling the salt air in the lavender sky and feeling that cool and invigorating wind
blow through my soul, soaking up every moment of this magical time snatched from the vastness of this seemingly
endless city….this moment, forever mine alone….
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A constant state of departure is the secret to long term travel for the poor man….
_____________
Because
U
Deserve
What
Every
Individual
Should
Enjoy
Regularly
_____________
You can`t stop me….
I`m a JUGGERNAUT…
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Another couple sections of town that I made up…
TUBBO= Trees Under Brooklyn Bridge Overpass
ELITA= East of Little Italy
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“TV and nightmares have joined forces to teach me a lesson.”
Homer Simpson
____________
Today was the most action-packed day of my life (so far)….I`ve seen more of NYC in one day than most of the natives
of this city will see in their whole goddamned lives….
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“When the shit goes down, ya better be ready…”
Cypress Hill
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“Certainty is the disease of kings…”
___________
Jedi mind tricks….
___________
Fat Cats in a White House
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Regarding Freeman`s Taxidermy….
I killed `em all and stuffed `em myself…(I`ve actually been telling people this…)
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Bouncing off the walls….
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I am going to open a nightclub in Mechanic`s Alley called CHUMBO  (Chinese Hotties Under Manhattan Bridge Overpass)
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“These songs of freedom,
is all I ever had…”
Bob Marley
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“Cinema is the shelter of time.”
Jean-Luc Godard
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Tiffany at Freemans…Tuesday night  (she must have been sexy for me to write it down but I can`t remember the least little thing about her…)
___________
If I could have caught your eye
things might have been different
but by the dreamy look
in your faraway eyes
I guessed you were elsewhere
untouchable
If you had looked my way
with a subtle smile
a sidelong glance
two worlds could have
merged
separate universes
become as one
greater than before
One night
we could have
forgotten our problems
New suns
could have exploded
The moon
could have set in the east
The stars could have
blinked out one by one
The night could have
gone on forever…
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“I think I knew the reason but I can`t spell it.”
From an LA, Doors street photo from 1969
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Found one of those tile Space Invaders on Mott Street between Prince and Spring in SOHO.
This same guy does these all over the globe.  I`ve seen them in LA too on Wilshire
across from LACMA and on the rooftop of the Downtown Standard Hotel…
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“MAKE SURE YOUR SHOES ARE TIED, MOTHERFUCKER!!”
Nathan Grigolla
____________
Cherry Street and Market Slip
___________
I walked by about 100 Federal Marshals in jogging sweatsuits on the Staten Island Ferry.  I breezed
by them super stoned and buzzed with my skateboard as they all wordlessly stared at me….
__________
98 Mott Street ….Grand Harmony
__________
Naiying….A sexy Taiwanese chick with a Brooklyn accent that I met at Freeman`s.  She carved her cellphone number in a pencil and gave it to me.
After all that effort, of course I called her.  And I sure am glad I did….
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Barrio Chino on Broome Street…
__________
“Everybody wants me to be what they want me to be,
I`m not happy when I try to fake it…”
The Commodores
___________
“It`s hard to imagine
that nothing at all
could be so exciting
could be this much fun…”
Talking Heads
“Heaven”
__________
May the force be with you….SCUMBAG….
__________
ONE MAN RIOT
__________
DAMAGE ADDICT
__________
GREAT SCOTT!  HARK THE HERALD ANGELS SING!
__________
3:12 am, skateboarding through Chinatown and BUSTED a sign into a million pieces with my fist….what an asshole…..
__________
“The Labyrinth of Solitude”
__________
“Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.”
Isaac Asimov
__________
FICTIONAL CONVERSATIONS ARE OFTEN THE BEST…
but not always….
I was eating alone at Zen Sushi when these two sexy babes from Israel asked me to join them.
Their names were Rain and Jessica, and before I sat down with them, they had been speaking Hebrew.
This is my life in NYC.  Poor, poor, poor me…..
___________
GRIND YOUR ORGAN, LITTLE MONKEY…
__________
How do you keep an idiot in suspense?
I`ll tell you tomorrow…
__________
“What`s the difference between George W. Bush and a bucket of shit…?”
The Bucket…..HA!!!
__________
So this man and this woman were sitting in the waiting room of a divorce lawyer`s office.  The man was fairly handsome and the lady
was quite a sexy dish and they couldn`t seem to stop eyeballing each other.  Finally, the lady decided to be the first to say something….
“Why are you getting divorced?  I mean, if you don`t mind my asking.”  The man hesitated and then said, “Well, it`s kind of embarrassing,
but if you really want to know, I`ll tell you.  My wife thinks that I am a pervert…too raunchy, as it were.”  The woman gasped in delighted
surprise….”OOOhhhhhh, migod….!  That is EXACTLY why my husband is divorcing me!  He thinks I`m a slutty gutterwhore…!”
“Well, how about that?”  the man cooly replied.
“I thought you looked like a pervert,” she jokingly said.
“Oh, believe me, I am….ha, heh, heh…” he responded.
“Perhaps, we could get together for some `fun time` after this unpleasant legal business is concluded, ” the woman suggested.
“I`m all for it,” he said.  A little later, after their respective lawyer appointments, they jumped in their cars and he followed her
to her house.  Her husband had already moved out.  They went inside.  She told him to relax, got him a cocktail and said, “I`m
gonna go slip into something a little more comfortable.”
“Alright, whatever,”  the man said.
A little while later, she came out in a black leather, crotchless bodysuit complete with a little peekaboo for the bunghole.  She even
had a gimp mask and a whip and brutal-looking high heels.  The man was sitting calmly on the couch, looking disinterested.
She said, “Are you ready for me?”
He said, “Ready for what, woman?  I shit in your purse and fucked your dog–I`m outta here….”
__________________________
It`s not that some people couldn`t do it the way I do;
it`s just that THEY DON`T ….
____________
WHEN I AM GONE,
JUST KNOW THAT I GAVE YOU ALL
I COULD OF MYSELF….
____________
“I know the pieces fit
cause I watched them fall away…”
Tool
___________
“Can I say something to you?  I`ve always been considered somewhat of an asshole
for as long as I can remember.  That`s just my style.”
“Royal Tenenbaum”
________________
“I don`t have a drinking problem; I have a STOPPING problem.”
Tim Hudock
______________
“All poems are occasional,
the products of circumstance.”
Goethe
____________
SEE YOU IN REHAB
____________
SCREWHEAD
___________
“EVERYBODY IS STUPID;
THAT`S WHY EVERYBODY DOES EVERYTHING.”
Homer Simpson
___________
“Telling a story realistically is such a slowpoke and ponderous way to proceed, and it doesn`t fulfill
the psychic needs that people have.  We sense that there`s more to life and to the universe than
realism can possibly deal with.”
Stanley Kubrick
____________
preemptive strike…..” a cocktail, forkface?”
____________
Another hot Chinese babe…this time, her name is Ying Li.   All these yings that wanna play with my yang,
so I guess we`ll just go and bang, and then I can come up with some new slang, and then maybe later we`ll hang….
____________
A lady at a club called Happy Ending, (it used to be a massage parlor….REALLY….they still have the shower rooms in there)
she said, “Is there something I can help you with tonight?”  my reply…..”only if you have some coconut oil handy.”
_____________
REHAB IS FOR QUITTERS
_____________
A dead pigeon, brained on Orchard Street.  Its head was probably eaten by rats…..charming…..
eating lunch together one minute, next thing you know they are eating your brains….
______________
sunny and snowing?!?
______________
Frozen lakes are beautiful
_____________
“Once you have given up the ghost, everything else follows with dead certainty, even in the midst of chaos.”
“It is apparent that one may shed his skin again and again and never lose his identity.”
“STAND STILL LIKE THE HUMMINGBIRD.”
Henry Miller
______________
Codes, hidden symbols, secret signs, intricate and clever messages are EVERYWHERE on the walls in NYC…
the mystery of history is alive and well….
_________________
My Prophecy…
I believe that one day in the not-too-distant future, when humans have regressed to a semi-barbaric, post-modern form of existence, something
like Mad Max, people will look upon the ruins of our massive bridges, intricate facades, and giant skyscrapers with fascination, awe and wonder;
some feeling akin to the one we have now exploring the pyramids or a lost Mayan ruin.
THE COURSE OF TIME SHALL TURN EVERYTHING INTO MYSTERY.
_____________
Shadows of night
descending
across the land
The streetlights flicker on
across the city
as neon snakes slither
through glassy dark corridors
describing serpentine patterns
through puddles of cold night water
Faces float through the night
like candle flames
in a procession to eternity,
going everywhere and nowhere at once
The City hums
vibrant
alive
A beating pulse
at the center of everything
ticking off the seconds of time
like blood flowing
through a trillion capillaries,
red rivers of life
going on and on
through the Matrix
miles and miles
never stopping
Talking heads
seeing eyes
the infinite faces of this,
this one Humanity
notorious
for all its creations
all its faults
all its wonder
The river flows
the moon rises
the music goes on
the flames burn
and I walk
smooth and silent
and content
through it all…
Written on 11/27/04 at the zinc bar countertop at Freeman`s
with people lurking around and behind me….
________________
The F train, still my favorite…Coney Island on one end, Central Park on the other,
and my apartment  right in the middle…..PERFECT.
______________
I wanna be an artwork ……..
(this actually came true a few months later.  My roommate, Grace, liked to make single line drawings that were
really quite good.  She did one of me and put it in a gallery show in Tribeca.  It SOLD….HA!  Somewhere in NYC
on somebody`s wall, there hangs a picture of my clown face. )
______________
“Don`t worry, your secrets are safe with me….”
______________
“Fortune favors the bold.”
Virgil
“The Aeneid”
________________
“If you don`t have anything bad to say about a relationship, you shouldn`t say anything at all.”
George Costanza
___________
12/1/04  2:30am
JB and I are at some rich dude`s place on the LES.  It could be called a loft but really, it is an old, vaudeville theatre
from 1895, seats and stage intact.  He lives backstage.  It is spectacular.  A fucking time warp, man…
_________________
Larger than Life
_______
A newspaper tornado swirls around me and the Chinese kids as I walk up Orchard at 3pm.
_______
“Re-elect Clinton
Better blowjobs than no jobs”
_________
many things are destroying us all
__________
We deserve the government we allow
_________
Be the change you seek
__________
The System is whack
_________
I love pointing and yelling on busy NYC street corners when I have a nice fast walk going,
“Don`t break my pace! DON`T BREAK MY PACE!!”
The funny thing is that a lot of people just stop and stare and get out of my way.
__________
rambling after midnight
__________
“Very superstitious
writings on the wall
very superstitious
ladder`s `bout to fall…”
Stevie Wonder
__________
Every night I am walking home from somewhere and every night I can stop and say to myself,
“I`ve never seen THIS block before.”
__________
43 degrees Fahrenheit is starting to seem warm to me…
__________
“Urban sprawl does not care about the experience of its inhabitants.  Sprawl has but a single interest: self-replication.”
__________
Friday,12/3/04  High atop a hill in Central Park (at 108th Street) on a stone altar of some sort.  I`m having a brew in 1pm sunlight and staring at the water rippling on the lake.
By the end of the day, I had walked throughout the entire park from the top northeast corner in Harlem to the bottom southwest corner at Columbus Square…
__________
C`mon baby, gimme some sugar….
_________
“…first the sugar, then the power, then the women…”
Homer Simpson
_________
The Ramble…Central Park
emptiness, wind through slender winter trees, desolation, a lake, reeds, bird-watching heaven, old black lampposts, winding paths, dead leaves rustling…
Sitting in a warm sunbeam as the sun shimmers with crystal-white intensity on the murky green waters; a stone bridge (Bow Bridge), a rowboat with mother and young son,
distant laughter of children, a moment stolen from Monet, an Impressionist impression, a waking dream.  Paintings could not do this moment justice, photography is too easy,
(even the ducks agree), music could not capture its raw essence, etched forever in my mind`s eye, carved in the stone of the moment, sculpted on the mountainsides, rolling
with the waves on the sea, yea, I daresay, even words cannot explain certain moments in time that will forever be mine alone.  The sparrows surround me now like St. Francis
as I sit here scribbling in my little book and all is well with the world…
__________
Saturday night, 10pm    111 Wooster, Penthouse C….Amanda, Vivian and Melanie….and me….things could be a lot worse….
__________
A guy at the end of the B train, playing trumpet Xmas carols as the train FLIES through the tunnel at 70mph….surreal, strange….
__________
THESE LIES TELL MORE TRUTHS
THAN THE FACTS EVER COULD
_________
THE FOLLOWING SENTENCE IS TRUE.
THE PRECEDING SENTENCE IS FALSE.
_________
I was so goddamned high today that I couldn`t seem to find Chinese food in fucking Chinatown!  How does THAT work?!
So, I just bought `Cup O Noodles` and went home and drenched it in Vietnamese garlic red pepper sauce…
_________
And again, I say….the crack of a fresh 24oz can of Budweiser is the sound of ANGELS FALLING FROM HEAVEN….
_________
“When in Rome, do as the Romans”
_________
“If you have built castles in the air, that is where they should be.  Now put foundations under them.”
Henry David Thoreau
_________
“You do not know me if you think I am afraid, or that I build my burrow simply out of fear…”
Franz Kafka
_________
Jade, brightly glowing green in easy Sunday morning sunlight…
________
“Take the A Train”
Duke Ellington
_________
I got to ride a VERY old subway train (1931) all the way to 57th Street on my way to Inwood.  It was an R-1 type car 3816 Special from Whitehall Street.
It was amazing, the lights would blink out in certain sections of the tunnel, there were old-school stylings all over including a lot more wood than plastic.
There were even old color drawing advertisements…..vintage, indeed…..
__________
“SOMETIMES THERE ARE SHEETS IN A SKETCHBOOK WHICH, ALTHOUGH THEY ARE MORE OR LESS SCRIBBLES, NEVERTHELESS HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY.”
Vincent Van Gogh
__________
The A Train to 207th Street Station
On the wall, it says, “At Long Last”
Indeed….
___________
Harlem River Budweiser at 3pm; the Bronx is across the river….
Inwood; 207th Street and Cooper; excellent graffiti art and a giant, solid rock with trees on it in the middle of a block of tenements….
Northern birch woods, slender silhouettes in 3:40pm sunlight, dead leaves, a scene from an Edvard Munch painting
Alone in a Norwegian Wood…
I think I`ll call this park Deadman`s Trail and Devil`s Triangle.
Black plague squirrels follow me down dreary and shady lanes that smell of fungus and moss and death, strewn with wet leaves…
A GIANT blue & white on the black wall of the palisades across the way in the Bronx…
Under Henry Hudson Bridge…
Finally, as I round the bend in southwest Inwood, I have a full view of the Hudson River and New Jersey across the river and beyond…
I have seen all the rivers of Manhattan this Sunday, 12/5/04.  The sunset greets me as I come `round the bend.  Next stop…Central Park…
Sunday afternoon miracle
The NYC places that I walk are hidden and remote hideaways…locations probably never before trodden by a Los Angeles native.  I would
even go so far as to say that a lot of New Yorkers have not even been to the places I go…
“Watch me!  Watch me!  I got it!  Heeeeeyyyyy!  I got soul, and I`m SUPERBAD….”
James Brown
F Train…heading downtown….3 incredible subway break dancers grooving to the aforementioned song….
_____________
“Where the fuck have you been?”
I`m sorry, I was caught between the moon and New York City…..
______________
135 Bowery….between Grand and Broome
______________
Walking through NYC on a dreary and rainy day, listening to Miles and Coltrane, “Kind of Blue”……….PERFECT…….
____________
t-shirt on a sexy chick…..
S U G A R P U S S Y
____________
Yeah, right….and I`m the King of Old Siam…..
____________
…face like a Christmas Ham…….
____________
I`m looking all around me now for side tunnels and grottoes because of this book, “The Mole People.”  I find myself squinting out
the window of subway trains now, staring into the endless darkness, trying to catch a glimpse of a fleeting figure in the shadows,
a brief look at life in the city          the streets…….
                                         below
____________
“Behold!  Human beings living in an underground den…like ourselves, they see only their own shadows, or the shadows of one another,
which the fire throws on the opposite wall of the cave.”
Plato
“The Republic”
____________
“You can always disappear when no one is looking.”
NYC cocktail napkin
___________
Life is often so simple if you just LET IT be simple…
___________
“Think of yourself as an undervalued asset that`s about to go public.”
____________
Classical music rainy day (12/7/04) at Astor Place/Lafayette Starbucks.
I`m staring out at the Cube and the weather and the cold and the people despite it all.
They must all be going somewhere, right?
___________
YOU ARE
EXPENDABLE
___________
Day by day, I find it increasingly difficult to give a shit.
____________
I`m an EXTREMELY busy man…uptown, downtown, eastside, westside–ALL OVER…..
Don`t try to stop this train, baby, it`s an EXPRESS train ALL THE WAY TO THE END OF THE LINE….
____________
POWERNAP
___________
“Don`t fake the funk on a nasty dunk.”
___________
My timing is FUCKING PERFECT.
___________
Sorry, that`s not in my contract…
___________
Grand Central Station Main Concourse with a 16oz Bud (of course)
Classical music and a laser light show on the ceiling…
It seems like the crossroads of the world…
___________
If you can`t keep up,
GET OUT THE WAY!!
__________
What do Christmas Trees and Keith Richards have in common?
They both dry out and leave needles lying around.
__________
“By passion the world is bound;
by passion too, it is released.”
Octavio Paz
__________
Dec. 2004   Bungalow 8
“This is what it sounds like when doves cry…..”
__________
Have you ever seen Central Park with its dead trees and living still with a million colors in a cold December rain?  I have.  Its empty pathways wind
through its hills and valleys by ponds and creeks, the water is sprinkled by infinite droplets of crystals from the heavens.  The moody sky is a
million shades of gray, the ducks have diamonds on their downy feathers and squirrels sit on branches eating tiny red berries and running through
leafy glades, muddy and free.  There is a certain magic here, this giant, urban oasis in the center of a vast city.  It is a place of silence and meditation,
a place of quiet contemplation in the very heart of what is surely the most intense and vibrant city in the world.
__________
When I`m done, I`ll have the island of Manhattan dissected like a dead rabbit….
__________
This image is burned in my head forever; half-naked, sexy girls swinging nimbly from the ceiling in silk sheets at HIRO…
You just don`t see this everyday.
“Look now, look all around,
there`s no sign of life,
voices and other sound,
can you hear me now…
this is Planet Earth…”
Duran Duran on the sound system at HIRO
__________
All the unspent passion in life is sad.
__________
Oh, the beauty and the tragedy of it all….
__________
M A N I C
__________
beautiful torture
__________
1st Avenue and 3rd Street, NYC…
Hell`s Angels Headquarters
est. 1969
“In memory of Big Vinny
1948-1979
WHEN IN DOUBT,
KNOCK `EM OUT”
___________
Now that girl is a FINE LOOKING SPECIMEN…
___________
A little wooden sign on a destroyed phone booth on Delancey Street…
“KEEP ON GRASS”
__________
Inconvenience stores
__________
“If I wanted an alcoholic to yell at me, I`d go see my dad.”
Nathan Grigolla  12/12/04
__________
Yes, it`s true.  I am the luckiest man in the world.
__________
UNLEASHED
__________
An arm`s length in every direction, please!
___________
Rivington, between Chrystie and Forsyth….a park that is an old African burial ground in the olde days of NEW AMSTERDAM…
M`Finda Kalunga Garden  or   Garden at the Edge of the Other World…
__________
My great grandpappy would roll over in his grave if he could see what`s happening on the LES….
The Bowery is a`changing…….
__________
No Rivals….
__________
The Gift of Appreciation
_________
crazy erratic winds in CHUMBO…
_________
Baby chickens and ducks, dried turtles, a dead pig`s head….you wouldn`t BELIEVE the stuff you see in Chinatown windows…
_________
Come now, my child….
Even in the very darkest, dense part of the woods, there is nothing to fear except the wolf, really, NOTHING TO FEAR…
_________
Every moment is a Gift
in this warm, sunlit glade
of bare winter trees
and strewn with dead leaves
A golden-white bird
glides above its own reflection
in the pond
Glittering diamonds
sparkle on the water
The sounds of rustling
distant voices
dogs barking
the city traffic
hissing…
A single leaf
tumbling
along the pavement
in its own private wind
These gifts
yes
they are for me
simply because
I am the one
here
appreciating these moments
these tiny snapshots of eternity
I try to capture them with words…
Just for you…
__________
The B in B Train stands for BUMPY FUCKING RIDE…….crazy!
It feels like it`s gonna fly off the tracks at any minute at 80mph and slam into a concrete wall and explode…
_________
I AM EVERYWHERE
_________
“I don`t know how you do it.”
Well, first of all, you gotta be ME…
_________
“I love my bourbon, I love my gin;
what`s the use in getting sober
when you`re gonna get drunk agin?”
Louis Jordan
__________
NYC
the hiss of traffic is like the sea
the sirens, like the song of the humpback whale
and the honking is like seals and dolphins…
__________
Some days, I am so fucking happy that it even irritates me…
I KNOW it irritates other people who are mad…
____________
“Watch out, you might get what you`re after.”
David Byrne
__________
“Home
is where I wanna be
but I guess I`m already there.
I came home
she lifted up her wings
I guess that this must be the place.”
Talking Heads (Byrne)
___________
I`m not an actor, I`m a character…
__________
Buy the ticket and take THIS ride….
_________
EVERYTIME YOU THINK YOU HAVE ME ALL FIGURED OUT
YOU ONCE AGAIN FIND THAT YOU ARE TOTALLY WRONG.
_________
“Man, the measure of all things, speaks here through my mouth and
narrates in my own language, that which my eyes have seen.”
Ernesto “Che” Guevara
_________
“In nine months of a man`s life he can think of a lot of things, from the
loftiest meditations on philosophy to the most desperate longing for a
bowl of soup.”
“Entendamonos; so we understand each other.”
Che
__________
Antes Del Comienzo  (Before the Beginning)
 
A confusion of sounds
an uncertain clarity.
Another day begins
the fragrance of your
long velvet black hair–
It is a room, half-lit,
and two bodies stretched out.
In my head, I am lost
on a plain with no one.
The hours sharpen their blades.
But at my side, you are breathing;
buried deep and remote,
you flow without moving.
Unreachable as I think of you,
touching you with my eyes,
watching you with my hands.
Dreams divide
and blood unites us;
we are a river of pulsebeats.
Under your eyelids
the seed of the sun ripens.
The world
is still not real;
time wanders;
all that is certain
is the heat of your skin.
In your breath I hear
the tide of being,
the forgotten syllable of
the Beginning.”
Octavio Paz
______________
“I was in no state to listen to reason.”
“But I`ll leave you now with myself, the man I used to be.”
Che  (“The Motorcycle Diaries”)
_____________
MY DREAM JOB IS TO NOT WORK AT ALL
____________
I DO NOT HAVE TO APOLOGIZE FOR BEING GREAT.
_____________
12/17/04  3:08pm
Washington Heights  “The Cloisters”
WHAT A VIEW!  You can see all around north Manhattan, the Bronx, the George Washington Bridge,
Henry Hudson Bridge, sunlight sparkles on the Hudson and NO ONE is here but me.  There are
squirrels and red cardinals eating seeds or something in the slanted sunlight so I guess that counts as someone…
___________
Some nights, bars irritate the FUCK out of me.  Why are people so happy to be stuffed and crowded together like
sardines in a noisy, sweaty bar?  I`d rather be sprawled out on a king-sized mattress with two Asian babes drinking
vodka and playing tickly touchy feely…….
(I guess you might have to MEET these girls at a bar though, eh?)
___________
12/18/04
Happy Ending Club
Much beauty but not that happy…
___________
12/19/04
Beautiful snow falling down from the sky in drifting tiny flakes.  Later, the Freeman`s employee cocktail party…
____________
When you walk into a snowy wind, ice crystals get in your eyes…
____________
The temperature dropped through the floor, easily 20 degrees or less…
____________
a Taavo t-shirt….
“They went looking for weapons of mass destruction
and all they found was this t-shirt.”
____________
when I walk into an empty apartment, I like to say, `honey, I`m home….`
____________
“She is beautiful, classy and obedient.  Such a woman not having a boyfriend is unthinkable.”
“Audition”
____________
All my happiness has gotten up and left me for the stupid holidays.
____________
How well does anyone ever REALLY KNOW anyone else?  We are all distant and alone with our secrets
hidden deep within us.  We dwell in our own private worlds which not even ourselves completely understand.
___________
Central Park– I threw a dime on the ice at the pond around the Ramble and it rolled, glittering across the ice,
chinking and clinking and finally came to a rest.  One day, not far off, the sun melts the ice and the coin sinks
forever into the depths of the cold green murky water……
___________
New York will ALWAYS stay with me.
___________
Every L O N G Avenue in NYC has a horizon at the end…
especially Midtown…
______________
“Nobody KNOWS anybody.  Nobody notices.”
a running theme from “Collateral”
_____________
“If you want to be magical, Mad Max, cybergypsy, that is fine, but remember, eventually you`ll have to get on the bus
to go buy cigarettes.  There`s no dry ice filling the room with smoke at 7-11.  Just you, and your stupid, fucking, stupid-ass face.”
Vice Magazine Dos and Don`ts of Fashion
(see attached photo file)
____________
“My beerdrunk soul is sadder than all the dead Christmas trees of the world.”
Charles Bukowski
____________
12/22/04  3:08pm
On the deck while warm sunlight filters through the tree across Allen Street.  Miles Davis “Blue in Green” and my hidden sorrows come into the light…
___________
“October Country…that country where it is always turning late in the year, that country where the hills are fog and the rivers are mist; where noons go
quickly, dusks and twilights linger, and midnights stay.  That country composed in the main of cellars, sub-cellars, coal-bins, closets, attics, and pantries
faced away from the sun.  That country whose people are autumn people, thinking only autumn thoughts, whose people passing at night on the empty
walks sound like rain…”
Ray Bradbury
__________
“The Days Run Away Like Wild Horses Across the Hills”
Bukowski
___________
“If you see a guy
reach for stars in the sky
you can bet
that he`s doing it for some doll.
If you spot a John
waiting out in the rain
chances are he`s insane
as only a John could be for a Jane”
Frank and Dino…
_____________
“Most people don`t realize that they are only a paycheck away from being homeless.”
Russell  (Vietnam Vet on the streets of NYC)  I bought us beers and we drank them together on a stoop…
____________
Flashing sign over FDR Parkway
NYC GRIDLOCK ALERT
THURS DEC. 23
USE MASS TRANSIT
____________
Industrial Stink Wasteland
Avenue D and 13th Street
DON`T GO THERE
(A few years later, I discovered the Black Keys “Your Touch” video.  I`d swear it was filmed at this exact spot, but it`s hard to be sure.)
_____________
“Have a Holly Jolly Fucking Christmas, Asshole….”
Tom Brooks  (speaking to Nathan Grigolla, an expert on the art of being OBNOXIOUS)
______________
“Her shoes were like doll shoes, with the spiked heels so pointy, I almost wanted to congratulate her for making it this far on them.”
Haruki Murakami
“The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle”
______________
Be a fool.  Live every moment wholeheartedly.  Throw everything you`ve got into everything you do.  Expand.  Create.  Conquer.  Love.
Live.  Destroy.  Repair.  Love again.  Soak it all up like a sponge, the pleasure and the pain, put your pieces of YOUR life into a tapestry
of vivid colors.
______________
I prefer to spend my Christmas in CHUMBO with the Chinese because they don`t celebrate Xmas.  Although, there was a fascinating dragon
ceremony of some kind in Two Bridges…
____________
Christmas Eve Dinner at Freeman`s; excellent food and good company…
____________
Out all night dancing with Naiying and 5 other Asian girls.  For a guy who doesn`t like Christmas, this was the best Xmas Eve ever!
(and this night DID have a Happy Ending…)
____________
Nothing like a Xmas Day hangover…
____________
Xmas Day eve…8:30pm
“Clockwork Orange” and the `Droogs` and the `ultraviolence.`  Well, let`s just say that it is the funniest movie ever….`Singing in the rain….`
It was a Kubrick Christmas…
____________
“It`s funny how all the colors of the real world only seem REALLY real when you see them on the big screen.”
” `What you got back home, little sisters, to play your fuzzy warbles on?  I bet you got, say, little pitiful, portable, picnic players–
come with uncle and you`re all proper; hear angels` trumpets and devils` trombones, YOU ARE INVITED…` “
“Clockwork Orange”
Anthony Burgess
____________
“Looks like the best part of you ran down the crack of your mama`s ass and ended up as a brown stain on the mattress!”
” `Sir?`
`Sir what?!!  Were you about to call me an asshole?!!` “
” `I`ll bet you`re the kind of guy who would fuck someone in the ass and not even have the goddamned common courtesy for a reach around!` “
” `You`re ugly enough to be a modern art masterpiece!` “
“Full Metal Jacket”
_____________
” `Don`t you think the problem with marriage is it makes deception a necessity for both parties?` “
“Eyes Wide Shut”
____________
12/26/04  Sunday Snowfall
____________
Taavo t-shirts
“Emotionally Unavailable”
“Let`s not ruin this with words.”
_____________
“Alcohol; the cause of and solution to most of life`s problems.”
Homer Simpson
_____________
Hurdy Gurdy Man….”he goes to sleep by falling down on his face!”
Beastie Boys
_____________
12/30/04  East River is glassy and still, a rare thing indeed…
_____________
The unfailing enthusiasm with which I live my life, is, paradoxically,
also how I manage to dig my own graves.   And I`m still digging, fuckers!….
12/31/04
_____________
“It`s all over now, baby blue…”
Bob Dylan
_____________
2005…
seems the same as last year to me.
Same shit, different number…
_____________
Everybody`s so busy being busy…
_____________
“It don`t mean nothing, it don`t mean nothin`…..DRIVE ON….”
CASH
___________
Just think of it this way,
someday we`ll all be dead.
___________
“OH MY GOD, THAT`S THE FUNKY SHIT!!”
Beastie Boys
___________
“George Bush`s Four-Year Plan to Wreck the World”
Inauguration Day cover of The Village Voice with a bust of him as Caesar
___________
Erratic Literature
___________
ADD has got a hold of me….
___________
Walking NYC streets to the Beastie Boys is the BEST!  “Cause I`m a HIGH PLAINS DRIFTER!!”
___________
“You Don`t Know Me”
Ray Charles
___________
“I just wait for the tides to turn
I`ve learned to leave the past behind.
It`s only lies that I`m livin`
It`s only tears that I`m cryin`
It`s only you that I`m losin`
I guess I`m doing fine…”
Beck
____________
This weak, fragile mortal shell is restraining my spirit…
____________
“This town is crazy
Nobody cares,
I`m tired of fighting,
fighting for a Lost Cause…”
Beck
____________
“When I die,
Hallelujah, bye and bye,
I`ll fly away….”
____________
“If we never meet again this side of Heaven,
then I`ll see you on that beautiful shore…”
____________
“I need a fix `cause I`m going down…”
the Beatles
“Happiness is a Warm Gun”
___________
“Nothing`s gonna change my world…”
John Lennon/ Paul McCartney
“Across the Universe”
___________
“Everywhere there`s lots of Piggies
living piggy lives,
You can see them out for dinner
with their piggy wives,
clutching forks and knives to
eat their bacon…”
George Harrison
___________
“Well, I`ll be in my basement room
with a needle and a spoon
and another girl to take my pain away….
and you can….send me Dead Flowers every morning….
and I won`t forget to put roses on your grave…”
The Rolling Stones
____________
“It`s hard to tell, hard to tell,
when all your love`s in vain…”
Robert Johnson
___________
“A Winter   by Kevin Lucid  10/7/92
Lamplights peeked down
in between thin winter branches
watching my lover and me
take another brisk walk at dawn
the violent turning clouds that trailed from our mouths
died at the park bench while we both sat silent
our nostril ebbing
The silence swept across the park
and blew fingers into her hair
but my roaming fingers
only uncovered our eyes
naked to see that
we had nothing to say
We left the park
and went home to bed
and when I stroked her hair
and talked about the unusually cold winter
she slept, silent and still
There were no more arguments
we didn`t fight
or talk
The only chatter coming from
the scraping of bone tree limbs
against the icy bedroom window
The only sound that I remember
from that winter…”
___________
HOLLOW AND FRAGMENTED
____________
“`cause you know
and I know
in the morning
I`ll be dead…”
The Rolling Stones
“Sister Morphine”
1/21/05
____________
“NO ETERNAL REWARD
WILL FORGIVE US NOW
FOR WASTING THE DAWN”
Jim Morrison
____________
“Sleeping these insane hours
I`ll never wake up in a good mood again
I`m sick of these stinky boots…”
JM
___________
“I CAN FORGIVE MY INJURIES
IN THE NAME OF WISDOM….”
JM
____________
“I touched her thigh and death smiled…”
JM
____________
“OH GREAT CREATOR
GRANT US BUT ONE MORE HOUR
TO CREATE OUR ART
AND LIVE OUR LIVES
WE LIVE, WE DIE
BUT DEATH NOT ENDS IT
WE HAVE ASSEMBLED INSIDE
THIS ANCIENT AND INSANE THEATER
TO PROPAGATE OUR LUST FOR LIFE
WHERE ARE THE FEASTS WE WERE PROMISED?”
JM
____________
“This has got to be 21-year-old single malt.  Super stuff!  You can
hear the roar of the sea and the breath of Scottish angels!”
“But there`s such a thing as a way of living that is guided by the
way a person`s going to die.”
Haruki Murakami
“Landscape With Flatiron”
___________
Deep snow makes getting anywhere at all feel like a victory or an accomplishment…
____________
Conversation with Mom 1/23/05
she said, “Just remember you said that…”
____________
The snow dance….
something very funny about stumbling, slipping and sliding down 2am NYC streets, slithering, like a snow snake……
After a blizzard, blundering through snowdrifts, black ice, and trash buried below, sometimes keeping an insane
kind of balance and sometimes falling on your face….hands and feet and face numb–you CAN`T feel them, cackling
madly, crawling down the Bowery, cussing and laughing the whole way….
___________
Where is the future we were promised?  Where are the moving sidewalks, the anti-gravity vehicles, the light-speed spaceships?
What about the teleportation?    Instead I am forced to twist up like a pretzel in coach economy class on a Jet Blue airplane
with 200 other poor, misguided assholes to fly across America in a streamlined tin can eating stale crackers, drinking Heineken,
and listening to babies cry and people coughing.  Shouldn`t we be wearing silver unisex spacesuits by now and traveling to the
Moon in twenty minutes?  What happened?!?
___________
1/24/05  Los Angeles visit….sunny haze, SMOG, can barely see the downtown skyscrapers…beautiful….HOME….
___________
Trainwreck Marijuana….some welcome home irony…..
____________
From NYC straight back to Bellevue, street of my birth……(Dave is living here now…)
___________
EVERY DRUNK FOR HIMSELF
__________
GET OUT OF MY WAY
__________
“It hurts to smile.
If we`re all one, why can`t I get some?”
Kojak
Downtown LA  1/25/04
___________
“This town
is kind of like a ghost town…”
___________
Such an aesthetically pleasing alley, the Wind-Up Bird Alley in Venice….all green and overgrown and muddy in the LA wintertime…
___________
POWERBALLIN`
___________
“LUST FOR LIFE”
___________
COCKTAILS FIRST
QUESTIONS LATER
___________
“cause I`m BORED
chairman of the BORED
I`m sick…
sick of all the stiffs
I`m living like a dog…”
“Come along on my Death Trip!!”
“Gimme danger, little stranger…”
Iggy Pop
_____________
“I`m going back to New York City,
I do believe I`ve had enough…”
Bob Dylan
____________
Goodbye beautiful Los Angeles
see you soon….
____________
” `I know I`m pretty,
but not as pretty as a pair of titties…` “
`Drexl`
“True Romance”
___________
“I see your hair is burning
hills are filled with fire
If they say I never loved you,
you know they are a liar…”
JM
___________
I`ve got to get out of here….
I think I`m getting the FEAR
….
jangled nerves
delirium tremens
twisted brains
twitching and burned-out red eyes
complete exhaustion
on the verge of a complete shutdown….
____________
Well….that`s neither here nor there….
____________
LA / NYC    MY Cities…..”What?!?  Where my dogs at?!”
____________
Last delirium
Last glimpse of palm trees
for a long while
Jet Blue empty flight this time
Neil Diamond takeoff music
bourbon, women, beauty
Goddamn!  Life is good
every moment, a gift,
a blessing
to the observant
to the receptive…
Open your mind
to the vast cosmos
Receive the gifts
Let her mysteries enfold you
in their warm embrace
We cannot be stopped
We create our own worlds
What is real
is what WE SAY is real…
Again, no stopping,
one way
an express
Each day is a new portfolio
of imagery in my mind
The flow never stops
until this river runs into the sea
and joins the greater ocean….
_____________
Flight 210  1/29/05
C U Soon, LA…
THERE IS NO MOMENT
MORE REAL
THAN THIS ONE
RIGHT NOW
_____________
If I were to die while listening to Neil Diamond, at least I know I would be happy…
____________
“Lost between two shores….
I AM, I SAID…”
Neil Diamond
____________
Salton Sea
____________
“I told ya`ll back then….
now EVERYBODY wanna change their motherfuckin` name…”
RZA
_____________
“In this great future,
you can`t forget your past….
Everything`s gonna be alright…”
Bob Marley
____________
“We may be through with the past,
but the past ain`t through with us…”
P.T. Anderson
_____________
Colorcalm skies…
____________
JFK Queens….Jamaican Cab Driver, “Welcome Home, bruddah…”
_____________
I`ve always been a rocket ship, baby, I just haven`t gotten high enough for you to see me yet…
____________
YA IGNANT!!  YA IGNANT!!
____________
“You had me at `hello.` “
___________
DRINK   FIGHT   FUCK
___________
“Everytime I clone you people, it costs me 1.2 million dollars.  Try to be worth the money!”
___________
I WANT YOU GUYS TO TEACH ME ALL YOU KNOW ABOUT BEING ASSHOLES…..
LOOKS LIKE IT`S GONNA BE A LONG NIGHT…..
___________
Take it away, JOJO>>>>>>>>
___________
Here`s to DEATH!!
____________
Monday 1/31/05  CHAOS……
I forgot everything I was gonna write or say tonight and WHO CARES?!?
___________
“Every poem is time and burns…”
Octavio Paz
___________
2/1/05   Every time I get to NYC, I injure myself….
This was the night I slipped on the ice in my Harley Davidson boots and I fell on broken glass from a champagne bottle.  It almost stabbed my kidney, it was a nasty
and brutal-looking shard of wicked green glass.  I almost busted my elbow as well.  Tim Hudock was the doctor.  I didn’t even feel it in the cold.  I walked in with blood soaking
through my white shirt and Tim was gesturing wildly …..KEEP GOING TO THE BACK ROOM!!  I was bleeding like a stuck pig.  The only medicine I could find was
whiskey and IGNANCE……
____________
You know what really irritates me?
EVERYTHING
____________
“I think you should become an alcoholic again–then you`d be able to hold your liquor better.”
overheard at a SOHO bar
____________
IF YOU SAY IT,
IT IS SO…
____________
“Only the dead have seen the end of war…”
Plato
___________
“Stark raving mad and armed to the teeth…”
___________
Super Bowl Sunday 9:15am
a shaft of sunlight like a dagger spills down the narrow alleyway outside my window, illuminating the textures of the bricks across the way…
___________
“the passion of science
the precision of poetry.”
Jaylene quoting Nabokov
___________
NYC Street graffiti
picture of a stenciled military jet
“LASER GUIDED DEMOCRACY”
______________
DAILY IMPULSE PHOTOGRAPHY
daily artistic cell phone beauties, only to be lost into the Matrix and oblivion by the simple push of a DELETE button.  Their death is what
makes them beautiful.  Their obscure short life is what gives them magic.  Their element of mystery and symbolism and subsequent
disappearance is what gives them substance.  A moment in time, frozen….then GONE…is what gives them immortality….
_____________
Before dawn… taking the F Train to Coney Island to see the sunrise over the Atlantic….
_____________
“Sometimes fate is like a small sandstorm that keeps changing directions.  You change direction but the sandstorm chases you.  You turn again
but the sandstorm adjusts.  Over and over, you play this out, like some ominous dance with death just before dawn.  Why?  Because this storm
isn`t something that blew in from far away, something that has nothing to do with you.  This storm IS you.  Something INSIDE of you.  So all you
can do, is give in to it, step right inside the storm, closing your eyes and plugging your ears so the sand doesn`t get in, and walk through it, step
by step.  There`s no sun there, no moon, no direction, no sense of time.  Just fine white sand swirling up into the sky like pulverized bones…..
  And you really will have to make it through that violent, metaphysical, symbolic storm.  Now matter how metaphysical or symbolic it might be,
make no mistake about it: it will cut through flesh like a thousand razor blades.  People will bleed there, and YOU will bleed too.  Hot, red blood.
You`ll catch that blood in your hands, your own blood and the blood of others.  And once the storm is over, you won`t remember how you made it
through, how you managed to survive.  You won`t even be sure, in fact, whether the storm is really over.  But one thing is certain.  When you come
out of the storm, you won`t be the same person who walked in.  That is what the storm is all about.”
Haruki Murakami
“Kafka on the Shore”
______________
“The Heart is a Lonely Hunter”
Carson McCullers
_____________
THE ART ONLY BEGINS TO EXIST WHEN IT IS DESTROYED.
THEN IT MANIFESTS ITSELF AS PART OF THE VERY FABRIC OF EXISTENCE ITSELF.
? ? ?  ? ? ?  ? ? ?
____________
In the Village, Marietta St. at  Clementine……with Ettie and Clemmie……two lovable English lassies…..
_____________
2/8/05  Chinese New Year….Chinese music from storefronts….The streets are packed with festive people buying bright red and gold stuff for the festivities….
Mott Street, nothing like it……
____________
2/9/05….Happy New Year…..AGAIN……MY year….the Year of the Rooster…….
____________
Winnie`s Bar and Restaurant at Bayard and Baxter with Flora……
_____________
Mott St. and Bayard  2/9/05
Chinese Music live, thousands and thousands of Chinese packed in the streets, firecrackers, tissue paper shot into the sky with a bang, floating between the old
tenements  in colorful streaks of pink and purple and bright red and blue.  The city is ALIVE with energy.  Chinese dragons dance through the streets to the beat
of drums, the sky is gray but there is plenty of color and life everywhere.  The Chinese greeting for Happy New Year (which I have a very hard time pronouncing)
has something to do with `make a lot of money`, I am told.  The lady bartender at Winnie`s, Flora, gave me a good luck charm as I write this and confirmed my
notion as she said, “Make lot of money dis year, baby…”
TV FLASH….by the way, the Blue Man Group kind of scares me……I sit and ponder the wonders of time and eternity and this strange existence we live.  “Einstein`s
Dreams” by Alan Lightman sits on the bar.  The Chinese patrons of the bar chatter excitedly and celebrate the New Year.  Every moment is new, every second is a bittersweet gift,
every encounter is a new adventure.  Every time two people lock eyes, contact is made.  Every time a conversation ensues, new worlds are born.  We all exist
in all times.  Every story is both true and false.  The abstract and the surreal make perfect sense.  Chaos is order out of line.  Time is a circle, a bubble, a vacuum,
a ray of light.  Time defies all explanations.  It is a formula without characters.  It is elastic, changeable, erratic.  Time does what it wants.  Anything can happen…and will,
again and again….starting……NOW…….
The dragons run around Chinatown and dance in front of each store in some kind of ritual blessing for good luck and money….
_____________
“I love the friends I have gathered together on this thin raft
We have constructed pyramids in honor of our escaping…”
JM
____________
EVERYTHING IS ALWAYS CHANGING
AND YET SOMEHOW,
IT ALWAYS REMAINS THE SAME…
____________
Letter to Myself
 
Every ending is a new beginning,
every beginning, the start
of a new ending,
only to continue this
cycle on and on
forever…
no stopping
birth life death
birth
death
It seems mad and crazy
this endless seeking
this constant wondering
chasing dreams
   crushing them
inventing new excuses
for doing nothing at all
and yet always,
so very, very busy,
all of us
wrapped up in our own lives
our own private worlds
all the same anyway
when all is said and done
“No matter what we talk about,
we are talking about ourselves.”
Each day is both
routine and limitless
Anything could happen
at any second.
It is all insanity.
There are no
answers
carved in stone.
There are no
formulas.
No equation could explain this chaos.
Every day
you are dying slowly
Every day
you are living fast
We are all
stuck together
on this blue-green
sphere
hurtling through
the cosmos.
The universe
spins
on its infinite
axis
light streams
through the vacuum
of space.
Our lives
are but a
speck of cosmic dust
given importance
only by ourselves,
quite an ego, we have,
I might add.
And yet we give so much
and take so much
to and from
this existence we lead.
This road will take us
somewhere unexpected
and someday
we will all look back
and try to see where we started
and realize we are still
at the beginning
“No one told you when to run,
you missed the starting gun…”
Why, oh why
does everything always
have to keep changing
like this?
The excruciating agony
of arising at dawn
for work
Routine…the slow and silent killer.
The cold
hollow
pain
of loneliness
that clinches the heart
in an iron vice grip.
Fragile
tears
that shatter
like glass
on cold
dark
asphalt
in the night
sparkling under
a pool of light
from a streetlamp.
Boots echo
on empty sidewalks
rats scamper
through
shadows within shadows
Icy wind
blows
through your very soul
and you wonder
why you bothered
to get out of bed
at all this morning.
Sometimes
when you retire to
your bed at night,
you don`t care
if you ever wake up
the next morning.
All that awaits…
more of the same stories
same faces
same places
same fucking job
but you DO get up
and you go on
plowing through obstacles
like an unstoppable
JUGGERNAUT.
There simply must
be a reason
for this madness.
Despite your melancholy,
you find a bittersweet humor
in many things
and your enthusiasm
often
shines through your darkness.
The least little things amuse you.
Everything
is an adventure
a paradox
a riddle
a box of jewels
an emotional rollercoaster
A shooting star
streaking across a twilight sky
I EXIST
I AM ALIVE
 
STOP
 
A QUIET MOMENT,
PLEASE,
TO PONDER THESE THINGS
THAT I SAY….
 
Continue….
The monologue goes on
the hum of life
the rhythm of the blood
the heartbeat of humanity
A billion voices
disembodied
floating into the
void of endless space
lost in the jungles
sunken in the deepest oceans
lost in the blue of the bluest skies
The sun beating down
giving green life to what`s left of nature
and we continue our tiny routines
in our tiny lives
and talk about ourselves….
You are dying slowly
you are living fast.
Every ending is a new beginning,
every beginning, the start
of a new ending,
only to continue this
cycle on and on
forever…
Tom Henry Brooks 3

 

THB3

 

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